I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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