So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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