i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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