It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
