got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
