My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
