Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
