The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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