I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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