so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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