He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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