I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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