I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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