saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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