he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
bring money and cleavage
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
