Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
