i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
