Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
