Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
