I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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