i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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