so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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