Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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