WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
