I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
