You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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