i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
