Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
