He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My vagina just recognized that song.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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