Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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