i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
