Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
whose parrot is this?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
