id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
