NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed