How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
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Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.