dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He better not be in your backpack
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
