Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
