I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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