bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
