One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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