Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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