all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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