I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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