Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
