I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I party with great urgency now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
