aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
