This girl is more easily done than said...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
