i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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