Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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