And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
