so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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