I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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