Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize