Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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