Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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