You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
