I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
