1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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