so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
