Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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