Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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