you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
