OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
