Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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