Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
