Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
