help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
