i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
