If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
