Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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