I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
