he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
