I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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