Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
