You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
